"Act your age, not your shoe size."
I remember thinking this is an odd thing to say and then I remembered thinking I don't get it. I got it about twenty years later. (I'm slow to catch on, I pretend to "get" a lot of things only to "get it" months later) I was eight years old and my shoes size was a three. So...according to my mom, I was acting like a three year old at the Peoples store. I was probably belly aching for gum and my mom just wanted to shop in peace and quiet. I get it now. I too, want to shop in peace and quiet, and I refuse to take my boys to any store because I know the belly aching is going to start up about who's going to push the cart. Then I'm going to spend the rest of my time walking and whincing everytime one of them rams the cart into the back of my legs. "Pay attention! Watch where you are going! You know, when we get home, you are going to have to bandage my bloodied legs!"
So, the other day, the guys were acting like knuckle heads and I was wishing that I could just crack their skulls together and they would wizen up. But I didn't. I just said, "Hey you two. Act your age, not your shoe size."
I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe I was expecting both of them to have an Oprah "Ah ha!" moment and they would stop their nonsense and both quit what they were doing, which was pushing each other over while they pulled their winter gear on. Maybe I was hoping they would stop, look at each other and the older one would say to the younger one, "Mom's right, we should act our age and not our shoe size."
I didn't get that response at all. What I got was a lot of confusion and questions.
"What?"
I said, "Act your age, not your shoe size!!!"
"I think my shoe size is a three, but my winter boots are a four. You said shoe, right? Like my basketball shoes or my tennis shoes? I have indoor shoes at school...I think those are a three? I don't know what my baseball shoes are. Remember when we bought my new hockey skates? Those are a four!"
And because I didn't want my children to go through life wondering what this phrase meant... like I did, I explained it to them.
"It means that you are seven years old acting like your three years old, or four years old, depending by what foot wear we are going by. I say your acting more like your winter boots...four."
That's when Dean had his Oprah moment.
"Hey Marty. What size are your running shoes?"
"I don't know. Ask mom."
"Marty's shoes are a size 13."
"Woah! Marty you're acting like you're thirteen years old!! You're acting like a teenager! Ha Ha!"
"Wait a minute! Marty's winter boots are a size one, I thought we were going by winter boots size! He's 5 years old acting like a year old!"
"Ha, Ha! Marty's one year old! Marty's one year old! I'm four years old!"
"Now your acting like a mean seven year old!
"Mom!!! Dean's says I'm one year old. I'm not! I'm five!"
At this point I was wishing I had never said anything. I didn't know this short one liner was going to be up for such debate. Knocking their skulls together would have been faster and the point would have been made. Like I said before, I didn't do that. I thought it and that's the difference.
By this time, their winter gear was on, and they were out the door grabbing their sleds and heading toward the snow hill. Shoe and winter boot sizes all forgotten and who's acting like what age.
"You made your bed, now lie in it." It took me years to get this one too. That's a story for another day. Curiousity kills the cat.
From the 4th line,
Arlene
